學英文難不難? 很難。但是多數人通常不會用這個當作申請大學的寫作題材。
為什麼? 因為不知道要怎麼寫…..
寫學文法很難嗎？單字很難背嗎？
難道要講最後 Toefl 考很高分嗎?
當然不是，你的重點是自己過去克服過什麼困難? 過去的歷練讓你成為一個怎樣的人?
不論你的挫折是什麼，想要打動 admissions commitee，你就得講明白在這過程中到底得到了什麼? 整件事給了你什麼啟發?
之前我有介紹過如何寫留學申請的自傳，連結在這。
說了很多，今天就放上一篇被8所常春藤名校全錄取- 實例範本。
Cassandra Hsiao 的父親是台灣人，媽媽是馬來西亞人，算是移民的第一代。Cassandra 把這一路的心路旅程，精心刻劃出一篇作文打動常春藤名校！
哈佛大學(Harvard University)
耶魯大學(Yale University)
布朗大學(Brown University)
哥倫比亞大學(Columbia University)
康乃爾大學(Cornell University)
達特茅斯學院(Dartmouth College)
賓夕法尼亞大學(University of Pennsylvania)
普林斯頓大學(Princeton University)。
除此之外她還收到史丹佛大學、紐約大學、南加大、約翰霍普金斯大學、西北大學等名校的錄取通知。
她的文章與錄取的故事也在美國被大幅報導。
我放上她申請大學的 essay 全文與大家分享。希望大家寫文章時，能夠跳脫以往的框架，好好聚焦在屬於你自己的故事，才有勝出的機會。
By Cassandra Hsiao
In our house, English is not English. Not in the phonetic sense, like short a is for apple, but rather in the pronunciation – in our house, snake is snack. Words do not roll off our tongues correctly – yet I, who was pulled out of class to meet with language specialists, and my mother from Malaysia, who pronounces film as flim, understand each other perfectly.
（以故事開場，帶出家裡、學校的場景、並介紹媽媽出場）
In our house, there is no difference between cast and cash, which was why at a church retreat, people made fun of me for “cashing out demons.” I did not realize the glaring difference between the two Englishes until my teacher corrected my pronunciations of hammock, ladle, and siphon. Classmates laughed because I pronounce accept as except, success as sussess. I was in the Creative Writing conservatory, and yet words failed me when I needed them most.
（簡短的描述學英文時遇到的困難）
Suddenly, understanding flower is flour wasn’t enough. I rejected the English that had never seemed broken before, a language that had raised me and taught me everything I knew. Everybody else’s parents spoke with accents smarting of Ph.D.s and university teaching positions. So why couldn’t mine?
（道出心理的挫折與不平）
My mother spread her sunbaked hands and said, “This is where I came from,” spinning a tale with the English she had taught herself.
（穿插母親的故事，引出真正的主軸）
When my mother moved from her village to a town in Malaysia, she had to learn a brand new language in middle school: English. In a time when humiliation was encouraged, my mother was defenseless against the cruel words spewing from the teacher, who criticized her paper in front of the class. When she began to cry, the class president stood up and said, “That’s enough.”
“Be like that class president,” my mother said with tears in her eyes. The class president took her under her wing and patiently mended my mother’s strands of language. “She stood up for the weak and used her words to fight back.”
（讀到這裡，你看出了這篇文章的真正主軸是什麼嗎？除了學英文很難，更是母親的遭遇讓她學習到什麼）
We were both crying now. My mother asked me to teach her proper English so old white ladies at Target wouldn’t laugh at her pronunciation. It has not been easy. There is a measure of guilt when I sew her letters together. Long vowels, double consonants — I am still learning myself. Sometimes I let the brokenness slide to spare her pride but perhaps I have hurt her more to spare mine.
As my mother’s vocabulary began to grow, I mended my own English. Through performing poetry in front of 3000 at my school’s Season Finale event, interviewing people from all walks of life, and writing stories for the stage, I stand against ignorance and become a voice for the homeless, the refugees, the ignored. With my words I fight against jeers pelted at an old Asian street performer on a New York subway. My mother’s eyes are reflected in underprivileged ESL children who have so many stories to tell but do not know how. I fill them with words as they take needle and thread to make a tapestry.
（上面這兩段，描述主角如何扭轉她的語言障礙，與她的achievement：參加英文比賽、為弱勢發聲等等）
In our house, there is beauty in the way we speak to each other. In our house, language is not broken but rather bursting with emotion. We have built a house out of words. There are friendly snakes in the cupboard and snacks in the tank. It is a crooked house. It is a little messy. But this is where we have made our home.
(結尾，以故事收尾，跟第一段的故事開頭前後相呼應)
相比之下，你應該看出來了，寫得太無聊、太制式又完全沒有亮點的申請文件，就絕對不會被理想的學校錄取。
大家加油！
若你對於撰寫英文自傳Personal Statement沒有經驗、或是寫完後仍不放心，需要諮詢評估及編輯的話，可以在 EssayCrafter 找到相關的服務。
Essaycrafter英文諮詢工作室的創辦人Evon 大學主修理工，後續取得了生醫相關博士學位，也同時取得公衛的碩士 (MPH)。在期間發表了多篇的學術論文，共同著作一本英文百科全書其一章節，受邀擔任國際會議的演講者及數份科學期刊的 Reviewer，修過經濟學以及財經管理、統計課程。至今累積了超過十年在大學以英文授課的經驗。多年來已成功地輔導許多研究生及外商求職者量身打造具有說服力的申請文件並克服英文面試關卡，錄取心目中理想的企業或學校。 <<留學求職申請成功經驗分享>>
您或許對這些文章有興趣︰
申請學校 SOP 撰寫技巧及致勝關鍵
英文推薦函寫法 : 教授叫我自己寫 Recommendation Letter 怎麼辦？
為什麼我這樣寫外國人看不懂?
你的留學申請文件 (讀書計畫，自傳) ，內容寫對了嗎?
申請學校被拒絕後，隔年還能再次申請嗎? 會不會難度大增?
